How to become a Happier Person

Show Transcript

Hello, everyone. Today, I have a special guest. And I'm your host, Keri Logan at Master of the Upper Rooms. And today, I am talking with Ingo. And I'm really excited to have him here today because a few years ago, he had a life that most people would consider successful. And he had a well-paying job. He was in a leadership position. He was in an industry where he had the money, the house, he could travel the world, but he wasn't really fulfilled. And then him and his family kind of sat down and decided selling everything. They decided to quit their jobs and they went on an adventure. And this I think is beautiful because it's all about courage, courage to step outside of our comfort zones. And so his wife and two kids and two dogs 

They all traveled through Mexico and found their new home there. And today he runs a successful business as a coach, guiding others to achieve financial freedom and find their true purpose. And as you all know, we live the life of our dreams and celebrating financial independence and having that possibility is what everybody wants. So I'm really excited to have him here today because he's a person that has stepped out of the societal norms, out of what, you know, everyone thinks we should do. And he found his true path, his true calling. And I'm just so over the moon for him. So welcome, Ingo. How are you today? Yeah, hi, Carrie. Thanks for having me here. Yeah, I'm doing great. Thank you. Great. So tell me how you had that aha moment, like that realization that this isn't working anymore. 

I'm not happy. I did it. What was the very first, you know, the start, the first phase, the signs? What was it? Yeah, I think this was more like a process. It was a development. It didn't came overnight. So I think it was already a few years that I didn't, yeah, I mean, I was always good in setting my goals. I achieved my goals. I made my career steps as a player. But it didn't really fulfill me. And then in the last years, I just didn't feel good anymore. And then for many years, I had these thoughts to do something different or to build my own business or do something differently. But at the same time, I also had this limiting belief that I cannot quit the job because I need the money at the end of the month. I need to pay the bills. I need to pay the mortgage. I need to feed my kids and my family. So, yeah, I stuck also for some years in this situation. 

And yet then at one point, I think it was in end of 2009, actually it was in 2020, during the pandemic, the situation got more of a moving. I was really not happy anymore because before I was in my job, I was also traveling a lot. I was a product management director in the semiconductor industry. So I was traveling a lot to Asia, to the United States. And then during the pandemic, I just was sitting at home all day with this endless Zoom meetings. I didn't enjoy it anymore. And also for the kids and for my wife, the kids couldn't go to school anymore because they were closed and they had these Zoom meetings that never really worked. And then we made this decision. We said, okay, then we can do also something else. If anyway we don't do something we don't enjoy, let's try something else. And we made this decision to go somewhere else. 

Okay, and so with your kids, did they have to learn Spanish to go down there and be in school? Did they have to learn that skill? Or did they... I have no idea. Do they teach kids? Yes, they learn Spanish. Me and my daughter speak better Spanish than me and my wife because kids are learning fast. I think with the kids, first of all, we were not so worried about about them. When we left, we didn't think about schools or anything. We thought, we'll somehow make it work, right? And in the beginning we said, okay, let's travel first. And we didn't make this plan from the beginning that we moved to Mexico and settled a place. We didn't know the place. I didn't know which business I was found. So we just said, okay, let's go there. We had some savings and we just went to travel and enjoy time as a family. And we thought, okay, 

While we're doing that, we will find our way and we will find our place. And, yeah, with the kids, I mean, I think we did it in a good age of the kids because they were, at this time, they were, I think, 9 and 11 or almost 12. So we said, okay, if we want to do something like that now, it has to be now because, you know, once they're teenagers. Right. Having their own social infrastructure environment. So then it's more difficult. But at this age, yeah, we saw the pace change. And we were not worried about school because we knew they, you know, kids picking up things. And then we thought, okay, also when we're traveling, they're learning so much about the culture. They're learning about different people. They're learning what they're doing on the street. We're learning as a family. So we didn't really worry. And then, yeah, we were traveling for, I think, eight months almost. And once we settled here, we put them in a school here. Yeah. And it's only a Spanish-speaking school. 

It was a small local school here. It was like an outdoor school in the forest. And they picked it up so quickly. I mean, there was one other like half German kid there, so she helped them a little bit. But yeah, I mean, for kids, they pick up the language so quickly there. It was incredible. And they enjoyed it from the first day. I mean, we put them there one day to try and they came back in the evening and they said, okay, we'll stay in school. That's awesome. That's really awesome. That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. That's really, really cool. So in your opinion, can anyone become financially free? I think in principle, yes, because I believe in abundance. I believe there's enough in the universe for everyone. 

So the question is, what is holding us back, right? And I think we're holding back ourselves. And it's usually our mindset. We have a limited mindset and we're usually not, we think we are not worth to have this financial freedom. And we think we're not worth to have a good life. At least many people are in the situation that it's a decision to stay in a miserable life. And now before I make a controversial statement, right, because I think there are certainly people who have a very, who get very bad cards dealt and have a lot of baggage to carry. But I think in general, yeah, we can all improve. And it's our responsibility to make changes. Well, I think a lot of people are kind of sometimes stuck in that idea or, as you said, limiting belief. 

That if I buy this or have this, this material item will give me happiness. And I think it's more the thrill knowing that you can purchase it and buy it. But I'm sure there's lots of items people have, including myself. I'm guilty of this as well, where there's items I don't use. I thought that it would be great. I thought that I needed it. And I remember actually coaching someone that was ready to file bankruptcy, literally ready to file bankruptcy, was just like, I got so much debt, this and that. And all the people that he was talking to was giving him bad advice. That's why I always tell people, talk to someone that will give you the advice you need, not the bad advice that keeps you stuck or feeling worse about yourself. 

But when I sat down and I talked to him, it was more what he was doing with his money was causing him to have so much heartache. And yeah, and that's, you know, it's like these extravagant vacations, all these concerts I'm going to buying the best Yeti cooler or buying, you know, the best high end, you know, barbecue, all these. For show. And he even did admit that the thrill of knowing that he could do that was more exciting when he actually was on vacation was more. And that was the crazy thing. He just couldn't enjoy the moment of being there. And I think a lot of people sometimes have those experiences. I mean, so what's your thoughts on that? Yeah, I mean, I would fully agree. And I think it doesn't only apply for material things, right, that we're trying to buy happiness with material things. It applies also to our goals, right? We think, okay, my life will be better if I achieve that goal or that goal. Or if I get promoted next year, then my goal will be better. If I get the pay raise, everything will get better or whatever. I mean, these are external factors that we think that will bring us happiness. But there's a beautiful saying, and I'm 

and i say this a lot it's and it goes like that um happiness is a place to come from. It's not a destination. So the happiness is in yourself. And you know, if you don't have it there today, it won't be there in one year or if you have the next car or the next job or the next uh next uh partner right because it it's it doesn't change. So I think we need to look in ourselves and as you say, enjoying the present moment and being there. And it's also something I learned over many years because I also saw for many years I was chasing my goals and I thought like, okay, yeah, one day it will be better. I will have better job and everything will be better. But it never happened right because because it's not there it's not happiness is not something in the future so you need to you need to look for it here and now in the present moment. A hundred percent. Because this morning, like, my kiddo, he's a teenager, was just really struggling and 

And I told him, I said, you know, it's all about your mindset. It's all, you know, there's people, you're looking at the negative and not looking at what you do have. And my husband made a beautiful comment where he said, this one comment keeps me centered and makes me really look at life differently. He said, the comment is, I was sad because I didn't have shoes. I was really upset and disappointed I didn't have shoes until I met a man that didn't have feet. It's all how people look at it. And I told my son, I'm like, look, be blessed. You don't live in North Carolina or Florida that had those horrible hurricanes. Your house was not destitute. All your possessions were not washed away or destroyed. You've got clean water. You got clean food. You got electricity. You got a bed. 

You got a nice home. You got people that love you and care about you. Your cat isn't lost wandering somewhere. It all depends on your perspective. What do you want to look at? What do you want to focus on? And if you choose to go down that path of the world sucks and everything sucks right now, then that's your reality. And you're going to get more confirmation and validation from the universe that the world sucks right now. So I told him that's why. I don't like to watch the news. That's why I don't like social media. That's because there's so many lies and fear-mongering and trying to suck you in to despair and doubt that it robs your happiness and your soul. You've got to discover when are you going to hit the mute button and just walk away because it's all about your peace of mind. 

And as you said, it's your happiness. And so what I really appreciate about you, Ingo, is you had the courage to step out of that comfort zone box and explore opportunities. And not many people have that or have that strength or that resilience within them. They just kind of go along. And they settle. But it's also, I think you mentioned one of the problems, right? It's all the social media and all this news because, I mean, we're feeding ourselves also with negative energy. If we're looking in the news and we're seeing, ah, okay, there are people that... We like to see people suffering, right, in a way, because it makes us feel better. Not me. I don't know. I turn it off. Yeah, but, you know, that's why we're looking all this... 

terrible news or many people looking at this terrible news. And then they get this impression that their life is not that bad. But yeah, I mean, for me, it was like that. And I mean, we made this decision and I think everybody can do that. It's just you just need to create for yourself. I mean, you just need to overcome your pay threshold, right? Because if you think your life is not too bad or whatever, I mean, if you think you can, it will be better when you buy the next car or something, then you will stay there. But if you understand you need to change something to really get better, then you can get there. And therefore, it's good to make the pain of your current life as big, like as a perception, right? To make it as big as possible that you just have to change. Because I think that's the most difficult part to step out of, right? If we have to like, let's say, 

not a perfect, but also not a miserable, but let's say a mediocre life. And to step out of that is much more difficult than if you, if you have a real trauma, right? Or if you, if you're really yeah if you're completely, your life is completely destroyed and you don't have another chance then to change anything. I think from there, it's, I wouldn't say it's easier, but at least you don't have a choice, right? You have to change something. Well, as you, as you live in your life and if you're nine to five and you're, whatever you're getting angry about your boss, but even when you're going home and you're eating your pizza and watching your Netflix and then you repeat it for the next 10, 20 years, it's difficult to step out of that because the pain threshold is eventually not big enough. So you need to create this, at least in your perception, to make that bigger and think how you can change it and what's the advantage of a change. Because with the change comes also the uncertainty, right? Right. 

then you also have the option, should I jump in the uncertainty and maybe risk of losing something, or should I stay where I am and maybe not having the perfect life? And the short-term decision is always easier to stay where you are, right? But if you think for the long-term, and I like to work with my people through this experiment where they say, okay, if you reach the end of your life, the end of your days, and you're looking back on your life, What do you want? Would you be proud of that life that living today? Or would you like to have it somehow differently? Right. No, that's... I want to have it differently. It's true because even this morning I was sharing that I'd be interviewing you. And my husband shared a really cool story that I thought was fabulous. He told me about his maintenance man. 

So he used to be the chief financial officer for a nursing home. And he said that the nursing, the guy that was the maintenance man, was incredible. This guy had a little cart with a bell on it, and he called it like the magical maintenance man. And this guy, and everyone loved him. And the wife even made him a cape that on the back said MMM. And he loved his job. He felt got so much pride and joy of helping people. And he told me that guy was in a big corporation making big bucks. And one day he said, I'm not happy. I don't want to do this anymore. And so he looked at his whole life and he downsized and he was like, no, I really like helping people. I really love fixing things. That's what brings me joy. And 

And he made that huge leap of faith, found the job, and nailed it. Was just happy every single day going to work, helping these little old people. You know, this broke, help me, help me. And they were so appreciative and grateful for this person's ability to do this stuff. And even for me, I did a YouTube video. It's on my Empowered Within channel where I tell my story of how, yeah, I was... pretty much in the same belief, rat race of this and that. And when 9-11 happened and the economy just tanked here, I was about to become homeless, literally. I ran out of my second round of unemployment benefits, and I had to take blind faith. And I did, and here I am. I mean, if anyone wants to hear the story, 

lots of people are like, oh my God, it gave me goosebumps because literally when you decide to take that leap of faith and just trust in the universe and trust that this is my, my path, my calling, it, it lines up. It's, it's really magical because I like to say the universe is, is give and take. What am I going to give? You know, it's this exchange and it's really beautiful. So, what do you think is the biggest mental struggle that a lot of people have right now, that is holding them back from finding their happiness and finding their joy? I mean, what do you think it is? Yeah, I think, aside from what we discussed already before, that the pain threshold is just not big enough, I think the other important point is that... 

yeah, that we live by definitions or by, let's them values or by belief systems, that's not really ours, right? Because, I mean, we think maybe we know our values and we know our purpose and we know which goals we should have and we know what is our definition of success, but usually we're very, or our mind is very biased by all the noise and by all the distraction that's coming in from social media, from our family, from our friends. and if we hear this all the time, how success looks like, right? You need to have the well-paying job and you need to have like big car and the house and in the garden. And if we hear that all the time, we adopt it and we make it our own belief. And that's happened to me also right as i also thought i need to have this career and become successful um but uh yeah i think in many cases that's, 

That's not our real purpose. That's not our real definition of success. But I think the first step is what I always recommend to do is to disconnect from all of this stuff, like to turn off social media. I'm not talking now to do this for one year now or something like that. It's just like taking your time off and trying to reconnect and center with yourself again. I believe there's no... truth out there right we all have our own truth within ourselves and i think that's where you have to look for it right it's not in any of this personal development books or in whatever in youtube channels but i think we find our truth in our own definition of success only in ourselves and that requires that we disconnect and that we yeah just connect with ourselves with our subconscious with our beliefs with our value systems and that's where we should start 

No, that's good. So you help people make the move from corporate to entrepreneur, correct? That's correct. Okay. Okay. Awesome. And when you talk to people, I'm sure, I mean, do you like have people figure out like what would make you really happy? Like what's the approach you kind of use? take with these people because some people that are in corporate can have a really rigid mindset. As you know, they can be really stuck and really fixated and it's kind of hard to shine a light into that darkness and have them shift. So what have you noticed in that area? Yeah, and i think that's where you need to to start yet and and so i mean I thought that's one way that I'm helping people, for example, to become an entrepreneur. But what I'm more doing is I'm not providing a fixed solution, right? What I'm helping people with is finding their own way. And I believe there's not the one way that all of us should do, right? We all need to find our own way. And I mean, for me, it was the decision now to move to another country and to travel here. That's not for everybody the case, right? Some people need something completely different. So I'm just helping them, yeah, 

identifying themselves and and as we discussed, like looking into their values, looking into their beliefs um and you have to break this pattern that they have like and we all, I mean, beliefs is something, our belief system, our identity, our truth is something we're building up all our lives, right? And usually all our beliefs and also the limiting beliefs is something we've built up in our early childhood, right? It's the stories we hear that our parents talk. at the dining table, or the experiences we make constantly. And they become our beliefs. Beliefs that are basically just the stories we repeatedly tell ourselves. And we're making decisions based on these beliefs, but we're not consciously aware always that these are our beliefs. So I think when we start to recognize that, 

and when we start to understand our behavior, why we behave in a certain way, from there we can then challenge such beliefs and make the necessary changes. And that's why I usually start to work on experiences, to work on dramas, to work on beliefs, and from there make the necessary changes, and from there also understand really their purpose, their vision, and only after that we're building a strategy how their individual path will look like. That's awesome. I mean, I really applaud you and what you're doing because you're helping so many people find happiness, find a sense of self and and a sense of purpose and a more fulfilling life instead of stuck on this hamster wheel. Like you said, well, I got to pay the mortgage. I got to feed the kids. I got to pay my car payment. Yeah. 

there's all these responsibilities and i i really appreciate everything that you do. So, before we wrap it up, where can people find you? Yeah, I think the the best ways we are my youtube channel. There's also a lot of interesting videos about mindset developing, the development about how to become not only financially but also mentally free, as i think it starts with mental freedom. before you can become financially free. And yeah, check out the YouTube videos. There are interviews with other interesting people. And yeah, if you want to learn more about my coaching, there's also my website. It's called The Small Reset. The YouTube channel is also called At The Small Reset. And on the website, you'll find everything about how my coaching approach works. And you can also book there like a free coaching session to see if there's a fit, if you're interested in that. 

Awesome. And I see you have a podcast too, the small one. Yeah, right. The podcast is this audio version, but the video version is on YouTube, but it's also on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, all the platforms. Awesome. And what I will do to help you out and to help people find you is I'll create a blog post that has all your information on there, all your links and everything, so people can find you that way as well. That sounds great, Carrie. Thank you so much. So thank you. so much for being here. I truly appreciate it and i i i fully admire your courage and resilience and you're living a beautiful life. And that's what everybody wants. You know, we just want, everyone wants to just be happy. That's what we all should do. That is just to comment, it's not that you always have to be happy right there's no yeah of course there are also balance in life so so don't strive for always to be happy. But if you live a life of 

purpose and a life of freedom then yeah it's okay you're accepted if happiness is just a feeling right we can also yes sometimes that's also necessary but uh yeah just look for for your own solution for your own truth well i think the biggest thing is what you what a lot of people want to do is reduce their level of stress oh yeah that's a good one yeah it is a good one because yeah Yes, because reducing gesture level of stress is beautiful. It's like a breath of fresh air. Yeah. Okay, well, you have a fantastic day, Indigo. I truly appreciate you, and thank you for being a guest on my show. Thanks for having me, Carrie. Okay, take care. Okay, bye.